Conversations with my beloved 3/3/2025

I just came inside from one of those beautiful conversations with God. One where you're literally having a full conversation, response for response, question for question. I just wanted to jot down a few pieces before I forgot.

"You are my beloved"

As I sat down and closed my eyes, questions and pain began to bubble to the surface. "How do I get there Jesus? How do I fully surrender to your kingship? How do I actually become your bride? Do I need to hold a ceremony, do something symbolic to help me embody it? Is it just as simple as stating I'm yours? How do I let go of these limiting beliefs keeping me from trusting you fully - no one else, just you?" I felt God's eyes on me, tender, and felt rather than heard that it will take time, that this is a step. Then a more audible "I'm right here." After more aching moments, I made the silent and bold proclamation "You are my beloved" with meaning that cannot be put into the English language. At that very moment, the birds that had hardly made a peep errupted into the most excitedly loud chorus. I felt in that second how delighted God is to be my beloved, and for me to know it.

"That's not yours to guard"

If you live around squirrels you know that they are the loudest animals, despite their size! I wanted so badly to continue in the atmosphere of "I am yours and you are mine" but those stinkers were having a good ol' time. The squirrels were on my right, and the lake, glistening in the warm afternoon sun, and the now-chirpy birds on my left. My attention kept being pulled to the right again and again, and I would open my eyes to look at where the noise was coming from, even though I knew it was just squirrels. I felt God patiently asking me to focus and listen for His voice, to which I thought "Don't you want me to be aware of my surroundings??" I heard a gentle sigh in response (because He knows me all too well and my question inherently warrants a longer response, one we've discussed before). A little while later, I heard more scurrying near the house and opened my eyes to see the squirrels going near the bird feeder. "See?!" I thought. His response made my heart ache. "That's not yours to guard."