the two questions God gave me to ask when I want to hear His voice

I was reflecting this morning about people not hearing God's voice regularly, or only hearing it from the Bible or studies, pastors, etc., and not hearing direction or comfort or having conversations with Him. And God showed me two questions I (unknowingly at the time) answered that made room for the Spirit to show up in ways I never would have expected. The questions are so simple it may almost seem "too easy" but answering these questions honestly required me going to the depths of myself that I didn't even know existed.

At the end of 2023, I was in a wilderness and began to have vivid visions, dreams, see signs and hear directly from God in ways I had only experienced periodically before. They were undeniable to me, a sign of His ever-present love like I'd never known. Since then these things have ebbed and flowed, but when there's a stretch where I'm not receiving communication as much I have found that these questions - are what opens my ears. Matthew 13:15 says "For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes." It's a hard verse to read and know God means me too. It's exactly what happens when we lack the ability to be honest with ourselves, and God - when we have let our own shame take root. Because as the Spirit has been showing me over and over for the last year, God studies the depths of your heart - not just your words and conscious thoughts. Fear is a very sneaky thing, hiding in the places I have insisted it cannot be. And it has plugged my ears, covered my eyes, and hardened my heart - not necessarily to those around me, but to Jesus.

The questions:

1) What is it I want to hear?

2) What is it I don't want to hear?

They are both equally important to answer in depth, because I find that each one's answers reveal answers to the other question I wouldn't have seen otherwise. There is a popular song by Benson Boone called "Beautiful Things" and it's always rubbed me the wrong way so naturally I had to dig into why. Rereading the lyrics, I can see how it could be more like a psalm, someone pouring their heart out and being honest with God (even if I don't like energy in his voice). But it's worth a closer look at the lyrics; a man begging God not to take away "these beautiful things that I got." And if the writer came to ask me why he hasn't heard from God, why he doesn't receive actual conversations and words and signs, only what other writers tell him in his books and studies, I would show him his own lyrics.

Where you are gripping tightly - you are energetically unopen to the Holy Spirit. The Spirit is always there, and God is speaking, but your ears are plugged. Fear has filled your ears with a dark, sticky wax that can only be cleared with your own honesty. And if you're brave enough to ask the above questions, God will lead you to the following questions as well: if God tells me what I would be heartbroken to hear, what would I do with it? What do I really believe about God's character? If God tells me to lay something down, even and especially "these beautiful things that I got", do I actually believe that it's because He wants the best for me? Or deep down, do I think He's going to punish me, abandon me, or give me something less?

writers note: when I go into answering these questions, I have to become embodied to answer in truth, which is why I am so passionate about somatic living - it is, in my experience, the way to a deeper, fuller life with Jesus